I was talking to Dean the other day about the usefulness of sharing certain kinds of personal letters as public documents (I think we were talking about coming out letters) – and because people often ask me for advice about how to talk to their families about things related to money and giving it away, I thought I’d post this old letter I wrote to my dad. I never know if sharing this kind of stuff is useful, but it feels from a lot of the conversations I have that family stuff is a big sticking point for lots of us when it comes to talking about/dealing with money in our lives. So if you’re wanting to start potentially hard conversations specifically about wealth accumulation in your family and anti-capitalist divestment, maybe you will find this helpful. I was also thinking about co-writing or doing an interview with my dad about our relationship around money and how it’s developed and what’s been hard and how we’ve dealt with me wanting to give away a large chunk of the money he accumulated and set aside to help make my life easier. Is that interesting?
I’ve also been planning to post my 2008 giving plan on Enough once I have all the numbers straight. I hope Enough can be a space where lots of us can share these kinds of tools and plans and letters and strategies, and get and give feedback about them.
Hey Tyrone,
Thanks for posting these things. Ah! I’m finally commenting on the blog, throwing myself out there into internet-land. Deep breath. Okay.
Here’s what I gchatted to my Dad the other day. It helped us start this conversation. I had said something along the lines of , Dad I want to talk to you about my trust fund. He thought I had concerns.
me: haha not concern. its an exciting opportunity to have access to resources like that
Dad: yes it is
me: and im begining to feel empowered to use it in ways that feel right and are in line with my values commitments and who i am. so its all good!
Dad: wow. that is good.
So…thats how I initiated it. The conversation went really well. Perhaps I can share more about that later.
Peace.
That’s awesome, toby! Looking forward to hearing more about that conversation.
Hi Tyrone,
I think this is a great idea and thank you for sharing this letter. I think what you’re doing is very courageous and important. One of the things my father always say to me is, “lead by example.” And using this space to document your experience not only challenges the status quo but educate others, give them the strength needed for change. Awesome!
Hi Tyrone, I really enjoyed reading your letter and I would be interested in anything else you decide to post – the interview idea sounds really interesting. This is such good inspiration for conversations about money and trust funds and investments that I’m just barely beginning to have with my parents this month. My parents have set aside a lot for me over the years (in accounts I don’t really even understand), and I think the hardest part will be not just figuring out how to use that money in a just way, but also how to talk to them about it without it being a big slap in the face — since I know all the money they’ve set aside for me is there out of love and concern for my future “security”, and I need them to know that I respect that.
Nat
Thanks for your comment, Nat. I think talking to family about this kind of stuff is so hard for almost everyone – I know I’m constantly struggling to untangle all the really complicated dynamics…my personal relationship to wealth and the money in my own life, my politics about anti-capitalism and wealth redistribution, my love for my family and wanting to acknowledge the real work and struggle they’ve put into trying to take care of me, all the horrible things we’re all taught and internalize about money and love and security and safety. I always tell myself that breaking through some of the silence about it all is one of the most important ways of dealing with this stuff internally in families (at least if there’s space for any kind of process). And it’s so helpful for me to hear about other people’s work to betray legacies of owning-class wealth accumulation in their families without betraying those relationships in the process.
tyrone! i love getting to hear about people trying really hard and lovingly to communicate with their families. i appreciate your support with this this summer and it is awesome to read this!